Sunday, April 19, 2009

...

I feel an immense amount of guilt.

I viewed a picture of an 11 year old boy, he skateboards, bikes, has the tough outer shell that an eleven year old boy should have, except when you push him to get into freezing Pacific Ocean water. In his face you can view his emotions, and while I can't exactly put my finger on what emotion it is, it was one that not filled with joy. I forget how hard his life has been, how much of a front that hard exterior is. How much he is only 11 years old and not as tough and manly he acts.. because he is only 11..almost 12. I forgot, if only for a moment, that is mom is in jail, on her way to prison for possession of crystal meth, and this was going on when they were sleeping in their beds at night.

I forgot that his Dad yells at him to bring his shit inside when he has been home for 20 seconds and for no reason lashes out. I almost forgot how bad I want to steal his(and his sister's) pain because for a day and a half they were or acted unappreciative, and most likely they don't even know how to appreciate little things.

I feel guilt because I wouldn't have gone in the water and we called him a sissy, and honestly at that age, and probably even now I wouldn't have gone in either if people were pressuring me. Water so cold you can hardly breathe is really not enjoyable.

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