"blue eyes, you're the reason for my change"

I guess you come home from war and get drunk and get fucked. What else would make any sense? You see the unthinkable, do the unthinkable, and come back to civillian life and get drunk and get fucked, why would you not?

I watched Generation Kill religiously, and if it is anything like reality is, I'd do the same.

Randomly and quite often I have an overwhelming desire to write. Mainly just my thoughts, things I see, things I do, things I feel would benefit someone somewhere out there if they read it. I never really have the opportunity because these desires present themselves when I'm driving down the 5 or on 17 south to Santa Cruz. It feels like it should be a passion, and should perhaps be something that I do with my life, but there is so much to do out there I can't wrap my head around one tiny thing.

I always look for signs, I take everything as a sign. For example, I always get e-mails from CSUMB and I'm telling boyfriend "it's a sign, I need to go there.." and then I think to myself "oh wait, that's the only school I asked for information from". I need to find what I want to do with the rest of my life. Because signs through e-mails really aren't cutting it.

I'm currently looking into a marketing career. How fabulous would it be to work for the marketing department for Anthropologie and look bitchin' while doing it? And be able to fuel my need for a new GTI, a small cottage, and my new found scarf addiction. How could I not? But is the school worth it? Is it worth it to take some stupid biology class, knowing that I will most likely never need biology to be staring down some asshole in a board room while presenting my latest idea?

I would like to think that I am lucky. I've always had a family that supported me, my mom tells me I'm beautiful nearly everytime I leave the house, my dad tells me "you get more and more pretty everytime I see you". Not to mention they are usually saying they are proud of me or complimenting me in one way or another. I'd also like to think that I have a sense of humor that people would kill for, and an ability to laugh through anything. In this horrible economy where people are desperate for jobs, I've been offered three. People are usually drawn to me, and I'm honestly not sure why. I can see things that I haven't been through, understand a lot more about people than I'd like to, but I can't go to school, don't have a desire to do so, and playing at a park with boyfriend, nephew, and cousins is more important. I think there is something wrong with me.